grounded in potential blog

Today’s NY Times article is called, The Dating Coach Is In. It’s a first person account of hiring a coach to help find a significant other, and stories from others who’ve done the same thing.

Relationship coaches are one of the largest niches within the coaching community - along with executive coaches and career coaches. Relationships are a big part of who we are, so no wonder people are willing to try new ways to find and nurture them.

A relationship coach also made a key appearance on a recent reality show, Scott Baio is 45 and Single on VH1. In it, Chachi hires a coach to figure out why he’s never been married and if the girlfriend he has now is ‘the one.’ Each episode centered around his weekly coaching session.

I’d put both of these recent coach-sightings in the category of — all publicity is good publicity. Do both the NY Times article and VH1 series shine the best light on coaching? Not exactly. They do, however, increase the public’s awareness of the coaching profession. What we do with that awareness is up to coaches, like me. Now’s the time to educate people about what coaching is and the benefits to hiring a coach.

My favorite quote is at the end of the article. Though the author doesn’t find love after three months, she gives her dating coach credit for insight and clarity.

“The problem was me.”

When coaching works, it’s because both coach and client are completely committed to the relationship. And to succeeding. Clients don’t just show up to the sessions, but put the time and effort into their daily lives to make changes and consider new perspectives. Coaches hold the space for great things to happen and believe that they will.

I’m not sure about crotchty Scott Baio, but the reporter sounds like she started to make real change in her life — awareness of what’s getting in the way of what you want is a first, crucial step.

The next one is actually doing something about it.

Turns out, most of us just keep working - through the weekend, holidays and vacation.

This New York Times article references a statistic that 50 percent of working Americans won’t take a warm weather vacation and 46 percent won’t leave the pool if they do (because that’s where the Internet access is and their connection to the office).

If you can get past the long, babbling sentences - the writer is trying too hard to prove just how tired and overworked he is - you may see two of his points:

• Why travel far away, with so many rejuvenating options close to your home/office?
• Forced time-off, like the good ol’ family road trip, isn’t relaxing anyway, because it is forced.

You can likely guess my rebuttal on both of these. Short-term relaxation, like a cat-nap, can do wonders for concentration and alertness — for the short-term. A couple hours, maybe half-a-day. 

For lifelong benefits, you need longer-term methods.

• Taking vacations for at least 7 days at a time, without electronics. (You can do it!) See the world beyond your computer screen and cubicle. Dream uninterrupted. 
• Eating right and exercising to fight illness and get a fresh perspective.
• Keeping stress under control. Could mean yoga every week, deep breaths, or (gasp) choosing a better job.

A reminder that you always have a choice.  

I just put the finishing touches on a fully-redesigned grounded in potential, my coaching website. Please take a look!

In coming weeks, I plan to add my newsletters and links to other websites of interest, so please check back to see my progress. Any thoughts and suggestions are welcome.

I just came across this great blog about female friendships by Irene S. Levine. She’s writing a book called Fractured Friendships detailing how we connect and disconnect socially as women. A quote about her upcoming book:

Friendships with other women are integral to our sense of happiness, health, and wellbeing. At their best, these relationships fill our lives with love and laughter—but they can just as easily lead to intense feelings of sadness, hurt and loss.

What is the essence of female friendships? Why do some grow richer with time, others disappear, and others come to a crashing, often unanticipated, end? Which are keepers that are definitely worth saving and which ones should be discarded?

I couldn’t agree more. Back in 2006, I also wrote on this subject - ‘Why Same Sex Friendships are Vital’ and ‘Female Friendships.’ There is a lot to be said for women both needing deep social interaction for our health and happiness, and that dependence at times working against our personal development and self esteem.

I wrote in my personal blog the other day about the ability to assess what’s going on around you and the people you’re with, and change your energy accordingly.

On the coaching side, this can really help to highlight just how your emotions and thoughts are affecting other people or a situation that you’re in. Changing what you put out into a room can dramatically effect what you get back from everyone else in there.

Here’s a more concrete example of what I mean:

Let’s say you’re meeting with a boss who has intimidated you and undermined your confidence in the past. As you walk down the hall towards this meeting, you may replay previous events in your mind and how that boss made you feel, so by the time you get to the door, you’re tentative, anxious and expecting the worst. Just as dogs smell fear, so do humans. You’re walking in meek and self-conscious. Guess what? He’s going to treat you that way.

Instead, as you prepare for the meeting, consider what you are confident about - your work on this project, that you have your power suit on that day, whatever is going to remind you that you know what you’re doing. That doesn’t mean your boss won’t snap at you, but as you continue to project an air of confidence, he’ll notice that his previous behavior doesn’t work anymore. Or, better yet, you won’t care. Take that!

To use this energy shift ability to your advantage, first notice when you’re taking on someone’s energy, negative or otherwise. Next, control that tendency and concentrate on what’s more useful to you — your own self-confidence for instance.

This is a long way to my point about energy. Just as you’re giving off how you feel about yourself when you walk in any room, you also have the power to sense what’s going on around you and position yourself to maximum effect. See a group of people and want to control the conversation? Before picking your seat, get a sense for which person has the most sway in the group and position yourself across from her. When she looks at you, so will everyone else.

You have this skill already in your arsenal. Pay attention to your sense of what you’re giving off as well as of what’s happening nonverbally (emotionally, energetically) in situations and with other people.