grounded in potential

These are the latest grounded in potential coaching newsletters. Contact me to receive the newletter by email every month. 

When something bad happens to a close friend or family member, you will have an immediate personal reaction. Before springing into action, take time to face the situation head on - for yourself.

It has happened. It's serious. What are some implications?

• What does this mean to you?
• What does this mean to your friend/family member?
• What help is needed now and in the immediate future?

Separating your feelings from your loved one's is important. What fears and feelings are popping up for you? Tending to those first, taking care of yourself, and then putting them aside (temporarily) allows you to be there 100% for this person.

Let Them Lead

Let your loved one call the shots on what they need and how they cope. Building on that point, here are some tactics:

Listening 

Your friend is not looking for pearls of wisdom, but instead is trying to make sense of what's happened. Provide room for them to do that.

Imagine your arms in the shape of a hug around this person, but two feet away. This creates a bubble of comfort and love:  close enough so your presence is felt, far enough away so it isn't overwhelming. Within that space, your loved one gets to experience their emotions, talk openly if they want to, remain quiet if that feels better, and know that you are there the whole time. This is deep listening without judgement or expectation.

"I am sorry"

Seems like a very simple statement and yet it is so powerful. Especially when it is preceded by your work understanding the situation and giving the person loving space to be. Believe that if your loved one needs reassurance, or more words of any kind, he or she will ask.

What to avoid

"I understand" and "You'll be fine" are two of the most commonly used phrases that say more about what you're going through than what your loved one is. Remember to take care of yourself.

Remember also that spacious hug. If your loved one is leading, there will be a point when he or she is ready to believe that things will be fine. And then, it will be real and life changing.

Making It OK

Your greatest gift to your friend or family member dealing with a tough situation is to make ok whatever is happening.

Hold the space for them to be wherever they are, to feel however they feel. Maybe unable to complete basic chores just yet, forgetful, teary-eyed. Your reaction sets the stage for their own. A ready smile, a shrug of 'So what?'. Think of it as playing host or hostess. Welcome whoever they are in that moment. 

Coaching Offer

If you or someone you know is interested in experiencing what coaching is all about, contact me for a free 30-minute phone session. For information about grounded in potential and my new Elevator Speech Service for small businesses, please visit www.groundedinpotential.com.

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grounded in potential newsletter v9

Today's topic: celebrations. Weddings, birthdays, graduations, even pool parties and backyard barbecues. Many of us already have plans scheduled into September. The trick is to enjoy them.

Choose Wisely

Discriminating between invitations you'll accept out of enthusiasm vs. guilt or obligation is key to having a manageable social calendar. It's also key to having a good time once you're there. Ok, I know. Declining invitations can be easier said than done. So let's start with that party for a co-worker, friend of a friend, person you haven't spoken to in more than six months. If you want to go, no problem. If you're hesitating, what may be standing in the way is a self-infliction called: should.

A Case of the Shoulds

"Should" and "have to" can deceptively creep into a lot of decisions. For a test, pay attention to how many times you hear either in one day. After you tune your ears to it, you'll hear those words everywhere.

There aren't many requirements in life. You either do something or you don't. Case in point, going to work. If you don't want to lose your job, you go. It's not a question whether you should do it or that you have to do it - it's whether you're going to or not.

Yeah but...what about...?

Stop right there. Before you try to come up with an exception, consider that there aren't any. Even the things that have a repercussion or award attached still require your agreement. You have complete autonomy.

Wash That Should Right Outta Your Vocabulary

The first step to overcoming their power over you is to notice how much you defer to should and have-to. They basically mean, "I don't want to ____, but I'm doing it anyway." By saying that, it sets the tone that you won't like whatever it is you've forced yourself to do. Removing shoulds and have-tos means you make a decision and own it.

Without placing unnecessary requirements on your life, you'd be surprised how freed up you'll feel. How much time and energy you have for all of the things you want to do.

Now back to that invitiation for the party you-think-you-should-go-to-because... Remove the should from your internal dialog and decide if you want to go. The real answer means you are no longer tethered by negativity that comes with the dreaded word.

I don't have to tell you that this has ramifications beyond RSVPs.

The World is Waiting

With a clear commitment, you've reached the best part. Fun. Embracing decisions means you choose things you'll enjoy and enjoy things you choose.

So the cake doesn't have your name on it. The guest of honor isn't the only one who's supposed to have a good time. This is a quick reminder for those events you decide to attend - and every day for that matter - to find something to savor.

Notice what's great about wherever you are, whatever you're up to. Maybe it's a special moment you spend with a family member you rarely see, or the chance to debut a new outfit. Savor it. Acknowledge why you're enjoying yourself. Focus on what's so great about where you are right now.

Happy Summer!

Find Me Online

Please visit my two blogs for coaching (www.groundedinpotential.com/blog1) and Life's Negotiations (www.laureee.blogspot.com).